Why is this so fecking hard?

I have no shame in admitting this...I have fallen off the wagon recently!

This weeks post was going to be me sharing more about what I have learnt about the positive effects of diet, exercise and lifestyle has on prostate cancer progression and what I have been doing in this space…instead I am sharing with you that I have well and truly fell of the bloody wagon! I am, after all, only human right?

I know that eating refined sugar can have a detrimental effect on my prostate cancer progression!

I know that not doing my HIIT exercises can have a detrimental effect on my prostate cancer progression!

I know that not keeping myself in a focussed calm state can have a detrimental effect on my prostate cancer progression!

But still, I managed to find myself doing the exact opposite to what I know gives me the best possible chance to slow this cancer down and give it the hardest time possible to grow inside of me. But why did I still manage to eat that third ice cream in so many days (along with quite a few other things that I do not have room to fit in this post), why did I still manage to excuse myself that I did not have enough time to do my HIIT today, why did I still manage to get completely stressed out about what is going on in my immediate life. I suppose for the reason that I mentioned earlier, I am only human after all! Right?

This is the definition of ‘humans’ from good old Wikipedia…

Humans (Homo sapiens) or modern humans are the most common and widespread species of primate, and the last surviving species of the genus Homo. They are great apes characterised by their hairlessness, bipedalism, and high intelligence. Humans have large brains, enabling more advanced cognitive skills that facilitate successful adaptation to varied environments, development of sophisticated tools, and formation of complex social structures and civilisations.

May I call something out from this excerpt that made me wince inside a little following my recent lifestyle decisions….”high intelligence”! So if I am part of this species that we call “humans” with said “high intelligence”, why the hell did I not put into practice what I preach, truly believe and keep to my ‘giving prostate cancer cells a bloody hard time’ lifestyle?

I have asked myself the same question and can only come to the conclusion that I am telling myself that it is easier to just grab a packet of crisps from the checkout queue when I am hungry, or to watch that next episode of Ryan Trahan (that guy is a legend!) on YouTube rather than doing a HIIT with Joe Wicks or to get completely stressed out when someone squeezes the toothpaste from the top rather than the bottom of the tube (mentioning no names - LOUISE!…🫶).

Now that leads me onto…So why is it easier to just do these things rather than keep to a routine that I know will be beneficial to my longer term physical and mental health?

Then I start thinking of what is in my immediate environment when out shopping, or online or when opening the fridge door. Convenience in all of its saturated fat, sugar filled, or artificial/heavily processed additives loveliness, calling me to grab its colourful packet, tear it open and eat it up as though it is my last meal on earth. I have found myself recently being drawn back into the same trap with online content, so instead of giving 20 minutes of my time to doing a HIIT or completing a shuffle around the block with the dog, I have lost that time to watching a cat on Instagram get shocked by tin foil and jumping 50 feet into the air (who knew that was even a thing, let alone have 100k+ views…guilty, I am at least 5 of those views).

It is like I am continually fighting against the world at the moment just to keep myself alive and well!

What is more important to me, ice cream a chocolate bar and instagram cat jumping or supporting my chance for a longer healthier life?

So here I am sharing with you that I have kicked myself up the arse and told myself that it is OK that I find it hard and that it takes me effort. I can do it and I will fall off the wagon again sometime in the future and to be aware of the fact that I have fallen off said wagon. I am not going to beat myself up, but I am going to keep the awareness of what I am actually doing in the moment of time that I find myself drifting away from my vision of health, wellbeing and the effort it takes for me to achieve that.

So there it is, I have opened up and dared to share publicly on this channel that my life is really not shiny or perfect and like so many others out there on this planet…’we are, at the end of the day, only human’!

Please feel free to comment below, it means so much for others reading this that we are actually all in the same boat!

Thats it for now, see you next week and thank you for taking the time to read my ramblings!

If you need more support then there are some great charities ready to help:

United Kingdom: https://prostatecanceruk.org

United States: https://www.pcf.org