Scans, scans and more scans!
It's what is on the inside that counts...
Hello reader 👋🏻…if you have recently finished reading my last post ‘Prostate biopsy, it fucking hurts!’ and managed to muster up the energy to come back for more, then I bow my hat to you and thank you for your continued readership.
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I feel like this next part of my cancer discovery journey is a little something more subdued…scans!
The one thing that I can confidently say with regard to the local NHS trust, is that they were not messing about. Every two weeks I would have some sort of appointment, to either prod me, extract something from me or scan me. And soon after the biopsy, I started with the scans…I can see why they did the biopsy first, like hell did they want to start with the easy stuff, or so I thought 😳.
Now I don’t mind the X-ray machines, I have had a few done in my life (they did one on my brain once, told me that it ‘looked old’, how bloody rude!) and have found them to be generally uneventful, until I came across the bone scan.
My Brain: “Another scan today, I am smashing these out of the park…easy peasy. I wander what we are having for dinner tonight?”
Me: “Hello receptionist, I am here for a scan. Name? Mark. Thank you I will go and sit”
Off I go and sit in the waiting area for my name to be called and it was not long till a young lady bounces energetically into the waiting area and calls my name:
X-Ray Lady: “Mr Stevenson”
My Brain: “OMG, is she old enough to work here? She must be younger than my daughter…I am getting old, I feel old today!”
Me: “That’s me”
X-Ray Lady: “Follow me Mr Stevenson”
So off we went into this room and there was another kindergardener that I got introduced to as a student looking to prop up their training. More the merrier!
X-Ray Lady: “Mr Stevenson, I need for you to lie down on this bed here and not move a muscle whilst the machine scans you from top to toe. Is that OK?”
My Brain: “Hell yeah, I am going to pass this request with flying colours. I am a master at lying down and doing nothing. In my teenage years I could lie down for most of the day and not move a muscle”
Me: “No probs!”
Then for some reason, to this day I really do not know why, I started to share that I had gone through with the biopsy and that the bruising had only just gone down, and wow did it hurt and thank God I do not have to go through that again…etc etc. I think that she appreciated the story, however, I think that the student wish she could un-hear it…the wide eyes gave me that impression. Anyway, so up I jumps onto the bed and the X-Ray team did their thing in getting it ready.
Now the fun started….as I lay there (stupidly I did not take off my hoody, hint to anyone going for this scan..take as many layers of clothing off as possible) they proceeded to lower this plate that was about 70 cm x 70cm just over the top of my head. I could just about see it in my peripheral view as X-Ray lady said:
X-Ray Lady: “Just lie still for me whilst this plate goes over your body, we will be starting in the next few minutes”
My Brain: “Lady, you are asking me to lie down in the middle of the day and take a rest whilst this plate wafts gently over my body…I can do that easy!”
Me: “Sure thing”
A few moments later….the machine starts and I could sense this plate edging towards the top of my head.
My Brain: “Wow, that feels close. Wow, that is getting close. Fuck me this machine is going to encase me and I am not going to get out and I am going to stop breathing and they will forget that I am here, swallowed by this machine, and the cleaner will find my body in the morning 🤯”
This plate was now, what felt like, cm’s from my nose. Reader, I have yet to share with you that I suffer from very mild claustrophobia. If you want to see me lose my shit, just hold my arms tight so that I cannot move and see what happens…not pretty.
Me: “Hello, X-Ray lady are you there?”
X-Ray Lady: “Yes, I am here. You OK?”
My Brain: “No I am not fucking OK. You never told me that you were going to put a massive plate thing so close to my bloody face (in fairness she might have done, however, I was probably too busy sharing my biopsy story). This is what it is like to be buried alive, she is literally burying me alive. I am not going to survive this. Bring back the biopsy!”
Me: “Not really, I am starting to feel a little overwhelmed by this big plate over my head”
X-Ray Lady: “OK, won’t be long now. Try to relax”
It was at this stage I think that I went into a full on panic mode. I could not breathe but I was actually breathing too fast. I could not move a muscle or it would screw up the scan and as I had left my hoody on I was sweating so much I thought that I had pissed myself. This was literally a nightmare scenario for me and fuck me this machine was not in a rush…it was slower than my mate getting his wallet out to buy a round of drinks!
Me: “Please just talk to me, tell me anything. What are you doing this weekend? Have you worked here long? Many more patients today” Do you always work on this machine. How much longer, please tell me it is not much longer”
X-Ray Lady: “Just try and stay calm. It will soon be over your head, not much longer now”
As she said this I could sense a little bit of light entering the top of my eyes….daylight, the end is near! Now I re-iterate, this machine was so slow…SO SLOW! It felt like an eternity for the plate to cross over my forehead and past my eyes, nose, mouth and chin. As soon as it had done so I could see the X-Ray lady standing there next to me:
X-Ray Lady: “Just remain still whilst it finishes the scan, you are doing brilliantly”
My Brain: “Bollocks! I am so embarrassed right now. I have literally just made a complete arse of myself in front of these two young ladies and I can’t even leg it from the room because this machine is still scanning away at a snail pace”
Me: “OK, sorry for that. Wasn’t expecting it to be so close to my face”
X-Ray Lady: “No worries, it happens”
You know those dreams that you have where you just can’t escape or move, and the more you try to move you just can’t? That was me until I got the all clear from the X-Ray lady that I could jump off the bed as the scan was complete. It was at this stage that I had little cry. What the fuck is wrong with me? As mentioned before, I am not a massive crier (caveat Disney’ Inside Out & Inside Out part 2) but as this point in my life I felt the need to do so.
After being consoled by the X-Ray lady (think that the Student had left the room at this stage through embarrassment for me) I pulled myself together, wiped my eyes and ran as fast as I could out of that hospital. As soon as I was in the fresh air it dawned on me…I am in a period of my life where I do not know what is going to happen to me. Am I going to walk my daughter down the aisle, I am going to be able to stand at the bar with my sons and let them buy me a beer, am I going to get to retire with the wife and sit in an Italian bar drinking red wine? It is OK to have the momentary emotional crash, and what better place to do it then under an X-Ray machine with two unsuspecting health professionals legally contracted to stay in the room with you whilst you do have that mini break down.
To clarify, the other scans were a breeze…in and out without any reason for the team to call the therapist in. It was just the bone scan that took me by surprise and is one that I looked back on and think “If I can survive a biopsy and that scan, I can survive bloody anything!”
If you have had or are waiting for your scans and want to share your experience, please feel free to comment below (keep it light though please people!).
Ready for more…head on over to my next post “Well this is shitty news!”
If you need more support then there are some great charities ready to help:
United Kingdom: https://prostatecanceruk.org
United States: https://www.pcf.org