F*ck me, when did the boobs appear?

Everything just sort of crept up on me...

Knockers, tits, jugs, “the twins” or just plain old boobies…whatever you want to call them, I suddenly found myself with a lovely pair. That is one of the side effects (benefits?) of taking hormone therapy to stop the old testosterone being produced.

Before we start getting deep into the physical and mental effects that I experienced during treatment, thought I would just share a quick thank you. Thank you reader for showing up and taking the time in absorbing my ramblings, it means a lot (as previously mentioned, it is cheaper than therapy 😉). There is just one favour that I ask from you…give this page a quick share please and get the message out there about prostate cancer. Yes, some of us are embarrassed about talking about it (and ‘possibly’ the last thing that anyone wants is a stranger to pop their fingers up your bum for a rummage around)…but come on, it is better than dying from a quite often treatable disease! Cheers ears!

OK, now that we have done sharing to all of your social media contacts (they will love you for it!), let’s get back to the stuff that is often captured in the small print on the rear of a pill packet or not quite mentioned in full by your new medical professional friend.

Let us start with the prostatectomy…

Dr Akhtar: “So, I will go in and nip that nasty old prostate out via keyhole surgery, slide it out from near your belly button, you will have a few holes and in and around your stomach and probably a shorter willy”

My Brain: “Shorter willy? What the fuck now…I need everything that God gave me thank you Doc! Let us just recap that please?”

Me: “OK, why a shortening?”

Dr Akhtar: “When we remove the prostate, we have to reattach the urethra to the bladder and that can cause some shortening to the penis”

My Brain: “I am no greek sex god, and nor am I John Wayne Bobbitt either…I would say somewhere in between, but please do not take any of my penis away from me”

Now this transpired to be marginally true in my case, and I am not shy to share that post surgery there was some negative difference in the ‘downstair departments’ length. It was a strange thing to come to terms with mentally. I have known my penis for well over 46 years and it has adequately supported me when I needed to go for a pee and done an outstanding job in bedroom. But post surgery, things have changed slightly and it took quite a bit of time to re-adjust to my new form. It is interesting that this change did not really sink in until quite a while after surgery when the rest of my body was getting back to some sort of physical normality. To sum it up, I had to recognise that acceptance was the way forward for change (also the penis pump helped a lot🤘).

There were other physical impacts from the surgery like 5 or 6 cuts to the stomach, however, I found these to actually fade quite well over time and I am still waiting for the day for someone to ask me what they are so that I can respond with the following…

“It was a shark attack mate, you should see the state of the shark!”

The other one has to be the pee leakage. I was warned quite a lot about this one from the urology nurse and I was so grateful that they advised doing pelvic floor exercises straight away and not to wait until after surgery. I started sucking my pelvic up three times a day (10 long reps, 10 short reps) a few weeks after being diagnosed and fuck me it was hard work. At times I thought about giving up and just residing to wearing pads forever, however, I kept with it and to this day appreciate the effort that I made. About 4 months after surgery (apart from the occasional old man dribble), I was controlling my bladder. RESULT!

Now for the Hormone treatment section!

I bloody hated having the hormone treatment. Now in fairness the oncologist pre-warned me about the side effects of having the treatment and in my arrogance I thought that they would not affect me…how wrong was I! Very fucking wrong!

Hot flushes: These presented themselves whenever they wanted. The only warning I had was when my chest started to feel like someone had switched an internal central heating system on inside of me, and it made its way up my neck and into my face. I looked like a brit from up north after stepping off a plane in the Costa del Sol. Take this seriously fellas and also you will respect every lady that has suffered from peri/menopausal symptoms. This must of happened at least 3 times a day when it was at its peak…phewwwwy!

Boobs: Not just boobs, but also general weight gain. We travelled to India whilst I was on the hormone treatment and the tour guide took some amazing pics of us in front of the Taj Mahal…which then begged the question back at the hotel:

Me: “Louise, do my tits look big to you?”

Louise: “You are lovely as you are”

My Brain: “Louise, you dodged the question very well and I love you for that, however, they are fucking huge and my adoring wife has just confirmed it! Now chuck me your bra!”

I was not suspecting such weight gain but it really did creep up on me. I have always been generally good with my weight, however, with a combination of being in my midlife years and the hormone treatment my weight slowly increased. This one affected me mentally, it felt like I was losing control again of my body. This battling cancer shit is hard work!

Libido: It killed it…end of story!

In regard to the radiotherapy, you can catch up with how that affected me in the ‘Prostate cancer zapped & unwrapped” post, it makes for an interesting read if I do say so myself.

I have found during this that it is not to be underestimated what the body and mind has to go through to battle whatever cancer journey a person has to get through. It is mentally tiring as it is physically and I have had many tears spilt just through the sheer exhaustion of coping with the medical information, the appointments, the turning up to appointments and the updating of every loved one around you wanting to know what is going on. Remember that if you are going through this shit show and if you are supporting someone, listen to them and pass them a tissue when needed.

If you need more support then there are some great charities ready to help:

United Kingdom: https://prostatecanceruk.org

United States: https://www.pcf.org